That which does not kill us....

So I turned the big 3-0 just over a month ago.  I usually become very sentimental and nostalgic on my birthday partly because it is another year gone but partly because it is also very close to Christmas.  Well, this year, I was afraid of what I would feel on my birthday.  Here I was 30 years old, and while I have accomplished a lot of what I wanted out of life; marriage, family, travel etc....I had one thing looming over my head.  I always thought that by 30 unless I was pregnant I would be FIT.  Guess what?  That didn't exactly happen.  So as this birthday approached I kept hoping that I could put the brakes on time and somehow make the days last a little longer.  If you are a mother of toddlers, you know that to wish for LONGER days is pretty serious.  Well, my birthday came, and went.  I had a great time celebrating in my Mississippi home with lots of friends and family and I felt.....nothing.  NOT A SINGLE THING!  I didn't feel sad or nostalgic or anything really.  I was happy to be in the moment with my friends and family and moved right past that day as if nothing big had really happened.  Part of this was because our life was pretty crazy at the time with a deployed spouse, being away from home for a month, and an ailing grandmother.  I think a lot of my feelings just didn't surface because I didn't have time to think of myself.  This was a good thing.

Now it is almost the end of January and somewhere around 2 weeks ago I GOT IT!! No, not the self loathing or sad feelings of times gone by but the DETERMINATION!  I am now DETERMINED to get healthy and fit.  My 30th birthday brought me a discipline that I have never before had.  My dear sweet mother tried to forcefully teach me to be disciplined  for 23 years.  TWENTY-THREE years that woman tried and tried and tried to teach me to be more disciplined.  It just never caught on.  I am NO good with sticking with things.  I have a very short attention span and if it isn't "fun" frankly, I lack motivation to follow through.  Well, dear mother, please know that all of your hard work has finally clicked somewhere in my brain.  I am literally MEASURING everything that goes in my body.  Can you believe this?  Crazy!  I also go to the gym or do some sort of workout at least 4-5 times a week, with a goal of 6 times a week but I haven't gotten that far yet.

 I have seen why all of those "fat people" shows say that "you need to take time for yourself to be a better mom".  I have always thought that was hogwash, I've heard myself say those things to people and think in the back of my head, "yea whatever".  However, I have now realized with my new adventures in exercising that it does take time away from your family or just time that you normally would have to run errands, clean your house, or take a shower UNINTERRUPTED! If I work out from home I do it at naptime or if I go to the gym in the morning I have to take my kids to the grocery store after I pick them up from pre-school. If I want to do a work-out class at the gym, I have to plan ahead, have dinner ready and then head out where I'm gone for over an hour.  This happens usually around dinner time.  So yes, this is a sacrifice for me and for my dear, sweet, husband who is so encouraging.  I said that to say that it is TRUE!  You DO have to take time for yourself to be a better mom.  I have so much more energy for my kids now.  I play with them more, build tents for them and my irritation is further from the surface than normal.  Also, I've realized that my kids honestly don't think it's a big deal for me to be away from them for an extra hour and a half a day.  They really couldn't care less. 

To all you moms out there....just DO IT!  Also, please keep me accountable as I tend to quit things easily, as mentioned earlier!