A Facebook Rant gone long....

I haven't blogged in years....literally! Facebook has inspired me to blow the dust off this thing and put my thoughts out there.

I am a Mississippi girl.  You can ask all of the friends who have met me throughout my life if I take pride in my Southern heritage.  Every. Single. One of them would tell you that I do.  I love the fact that I'm a Southern girl.  I love all of the beautiful things that come with the heritage of being from Mississippi: the hospitality, the food, the intimacy, the family environment that we hold so dear.  I could go on and on.  However, some of you, my peers, my fellow Mississippians have turned my pride into anger, or righteous indignation.

A racist white guy walked into a church in Charleston, SC (which is currently in my backyard) and murdered 9 African American people who were there to worship.  On the heels of this atrocity South Carolina opened their ears to the people of their city and decided to stop flying the Confederate flag on the grounds of their Statehouse......and all of Facebook went nuts!

There is now talk about changing the Mississippi flag.  People are arguing and saying that if you think the Confederate flag has a negative connotation then you "need a history lesson".  Yea, I've seen that one a lot.  These same people are saying that slavery ended so long ago and people need to "get over it".  I'm confused about this.  What should we do MS?  Should we "get over it" or should we educate ourselves and celebrate it?  You are sending two very mixed signals here.

Here's what I think.  I think that the Confederate States wanted to succeed from the Union to protect their economic interests. Guess what those economic interests were rooted in?  Cotton! Guess who worked the cotton fields in vast majority?  SLAVES!!! It doesn't take a genius to put this together.

But let's forget ALL OF THAT shall we?  Let's talk about Mississippi's reputation.  I have lived all over the United States and lived among people from literally all over the world.  There is one thing that I know for sure.  People think that Mississippi is a racist state.  That is fact.  They are surprised when they meet a white girl from Mississippi who is not racist.  Is this fair?  I used to say NO! However, recent Facebook activity by many of you have led me to believe that it is CERTAINLY fair to make that assumption if you get your information from media outlets....including the social media posts by it's own citizens.  Mississippi has a great opportunity to create a more positive image going further with this decision.  It also has an opportunity to create a better, more cohesive people.  Why would anyone not want that?

Now, let's even forget the reputation.  As cliche as it may seem.....Mississippians....my fellow Bible Belters!  Answer me this:  What Would Jesus Do?

Leviticus 25:17 "So you shall not wrong one another, but you shall fear your God, for I am the Lord your God."

Micah 6:8 "He has told you, O man, what is good; and what does the Lord require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God?"

Romans 13:8 "Let no debt remain outstanding, except the continuing debt to love one another, for whoever loves others has fulfilled the law"

Baby Time is Near

Well, I went to the doctor today and it was confirmed that I am incubating a big baby!  We tend to have big babies in our family so this wasn't too concerning for me.  After all, Parker was 8lbs 8oz 21 1/2" long and Elijah was 8lbs 14oz 21" long.  I was pretty confident that they couldn't surprise me today!

I was WRONG!  This baby girl is weighing in at 7lbs already and we have 4 weeks to go!! Her belly measured 38 weeks +4 days!  We could literally see the pudge of her thighs on the sonogram.  I am very thankful that she is seemingly healthy.  She passed all of the sonogram tests with flying colors.

I, however did not.  Unfortunately I had elevated protein levels in my urine and am starting to swell more in my face than they would like.  I have only gained 10 pounds during this pregnancy and lost 12 pounds in the beginning so I truly assumed this would prevent me from having any complications but unfortunately that isn't the case.  My sugar is great and my blood pressure is great but with these other complications come some concern.

The plan:  I have to collect my urine for 24hrs and turn it in for testing.  Oh yea, I get to keep it on ice too!  Isn't that grand??  If this urine test comes back with high levels of proteins they will possibly induce NEXT WEEK!!

I have to go to the doctor from now until this little bundle arrives every Tuesday and Friday starting with today's visit.  They will do a half hour stress test every Friday and on Tuesdays I will have a half hour stress test combined with a sonogram.  I was told to"take it easy" which will prove to be difficult since my nesting instincts have kicked in!

I am 1cm dilated so it seems like we are well on our way to having a baby!

We appreciate all of the prayers and support.  I am feeling very unprepared but excited!

Love to all of you!!

Big things are brewing!

Wow!  It's been so long since I've blogged.  A lot has transpired but I will hit the highlights!

Here Goes.....

In January I found out I was pregnant!!  I was scared, to put it mildly.  I had long conversations with God about how there is no way I could endure another miscarriage.

In March they told us they were "almost positive" we were having a baby boy!  If you remember the specialist had told me I would probably not be able to carry a girl successfully so this news of a boy eased the emotional roller coaster I was on.  It was truly a relief but also bittersweet.  I had prayed for a baby girl but was simply excited to have a baby that might actually survive!

In May we went in for the sex determining sonogram.  It was the same technician who told us the baby was a boy (Rewind, a few weeks earlier i had an ER visit in which they said they thought it was a girl).  I told our technician all of this and about how our sweet Elijah was thought to be a girl until he was born.  Well sure enough, after lots of looking, re-looking and bringing a second technician to "ease our minds" they announced that this baby was "definitely a girl"!

Now, if you are in the Air Force you know that moving is a huge part of life.  Stephen and I talk about our "next move" a lot!!  June became time for Stephen to re-sign his commitment to the Air Force or decline their offer and go into he Guard and on to different opportunities.  We talked about what he wanted a lot and decided that if we could get a good assignment we would definitely stay in Active Duty.  Of course, everybody knows there are tons of changes going on in our country and the military is not removed from these changes.  So, we waited and trusted God thinking it would be a while before we HAD to decide.  The one odd thing was that the resign bonus that is usually offered in early Spring had not come down yet.  If that had come into play earlier this year, we would have likely taken the bonus and been committed to at least 5 more years in the Active Duty community.

Stephen comes home one day with big news of a possible next assignment but it was a tricky one and we would have to wait and see.  It was in a good location and doing a job he would love.  We all sort of hoped this was our answer.  Shortly thereafter we find out that he can't try for this assignment until October because of some of their rules for hire.  No big deal, we thought. The baby is due in early September so it seemed perfect.  Literally one day later: Stephen comes home to tell me that he has been "non-vol'd" and has to rank these five places in order of desired placement.  In other words: we would be moving by the end of this year to one of five places, none of which were desirable in our opinion.  We sat down and ranked them with heavy hearts but thinking, well if we get first choice then maybe it will be ok.  The next day he comes home and says, "I got Vegas" (His 2nd choice). I felt sick!  Ugh!  If you know me, you know that Vegas is not my idea of a prime location.  But, I vowed to him to stick with him through thick and thin.  My dad even put in our vows the passage from Ruth, "wherever you go, I will go, wherever you lodge I will lodge...."  I told him it was his decision and we would make it work no matter what.  I prayed hard that God would give him guidance and his decision to separate from Active Duty came pretty soon after the news.  A few other things transpired between then and now but the results are the same:  we are moving on!

We are excited and nervous.  It's exciting to get to have a choice about where you live and the thought of our children going to the same school with the same people is a big relief for me.  Stephen will soon be busy with finding a Guard/Reserve unit to work for and trying to get on with an airline or FedEx.  I have full confidence that this was very much all God's timing and trust that Stephen's hard work and dedication to his passion will see us through the transition.  I married a pretty special guy and I am excited for our new baby and the new opportunities that await!

Sorry for the novel!! I will update more frequently over the next several months to keep all of you in the know!!

Until next time....

PS We just returned from a 9 day trip to Yellowstone and Grand Teton....it was amazing!!

Homecoming!

As I sit here writing this my sweet husband is outside playing football with the boys and watching Parker "swing himself", a task he learned to do while Daddy was away and one that he was so proud of.  He also learned to ride his bike unaccompanied which Daddy had been teaching him for weeks. 

This deployment was tough.  Out of all 6 times Stephen has deployed this one was the hardest.  He left 2 weeks after we lost our last baby at 15 weeks.  I was a complete wreck for the first time in my entire life.  It was so hard.  I didn't know how I was going to get through it.  The day after he left I called my sister in a panic having what I believe to be an anxiety attack. I then spent a good hour on the phone with my mom and dad.  It is hard for me to share this but I promise it has a happy ending. 

My parent's are the best counselors out there.  My mom cried with me even though I knew she was trying to be strong for me.  I was upset for her too.  We are far apart and she had to leave me to deal with this.  It wasn't easy for me or her for that matter.  They prayed with me, told me to seek counsel, go to church, get in the word.  "Do not run away from this."  "Do not sink into that hole." 

It was a hole.  I have never known depression, never understood it.  I know it all too well now.  I know that so many people deal with this but I just couldn't grasp the horror of it until I was staring it right in the face.  It is tough.  I had to go to my follow up appointment with the fertility/endocrinology specialist who told me that this, like the previous baby, was a girl.  He felt that possibly I just can't carry girls which was heartbreaking to me.  My body essentially deprived both babies of nutrients is what he believes happened and of course we will never know about the first 2 miscarriages because they happened naturally.  He offered to do in vitro fertilization and implant only males.  I kindly declined his offer and drove the 2 hours home completely and utterly numb.  I wanted to cry so badly but couldn't.  I couldn't feel anything.  It was a horrible place for  me.  My mom told me to take it hour by hour and that's what I did. 

Then, God stepped in with a huge gift.  Mariah Foster!  Oh how I love that girl.  My good friend had told me her sister, who I had met and loved, was looking for a place to stay for a while.  I had previously told her that she could stay with us while Stephen was deployed and then totally forgot about it.  Well, she came and for 2 days a week she had a friend come!  They did the dishes!  Mariah watched the kids!  She watched TV on the couch with me and made me laugh.  She and her sister pulled me into their family of other sisters (they have brothers too but I needed sisters).  It is amazing how even when you don't know how to pray, when you don't know what to say.  Even when you are trying your hardest not to ask God "why" and get mad at Him, He swoops in at the perfect time, with the perfect solution. 

My awesome friends who I met at our previous assignment and who live FAR away, well one of them does, in New Jersey, drove for days and days to see me.  They both had deployed husbands one of which missed the birth of his baby. (Military life is hard ya'll)  It was so nice to see their faces and have them here, even though I was in the biggest FUNK of my life.  I also have a great group of friends in neighbors and spouses who are apart of Stephen's squadron who always were there at the right moments.  My neighbors with "Football Sundays" and just coffee or wine in the afternoons with a chat.  Or when I finally felt myself again, the last week before Stephen came home, spending hours painting his man cave with me and helping me get it completed in the nick of time.

Stephen also told me that this was the hardest for him as well.  He said it was hard to be away more this time than ever before.  We skyped ALOT and it helped so much.  Thank goodness for modern technology.

I was held when I couldn't move one foot in front of the other.  And while I'm still being held by God, I am also held by my husband now. Because he is HOME!

And now for your viewing pleasure....

If you could see my face you would know what the look of complete and total relief and joy looks like!

My best friend is back!

Thanks to all of you for the cards, flowers, kind words and prayers!  We used em all up!

Grace

Well yesterday, August 28th was my big boy's first day of Kindergarten.  It was so hard for me to say goodbye to him.  It was hard because I couldn't believe he was already old enough to go to school but also because I hated the thought of him being away from me for 7 hours every day.  He enjoyed his first day and was excited to come home and tell me all about it.

Unfortunately, my day didn't get any easier.  After dropping Parker off at school, Eli and I went to the doctor.  It was time for my 15 week checkup (yes you read that right) and I was hoping to schedule a sonogram for the next week to try and determine the sex of he baby before Stephen deploys.  The doctor got out the Doppler to let us hear the heartbeat but she couldn't find it.  I was trying to be strong and optimistic since I had Eli with me but I knew at 15 weeks this was not a good thing.  We went into the sonogram room and saw our baby with no heartbeat.  They estimate that it passed away a week ago.  I had seen a specialist and was on a myriad of meds to keep me pregnant.  We all hoped it had worked and I had gotten off the meds at 12 weeks because the doctor said everything should be fine.  I am having surgery tomorrow and they will try to do genetic testing on the baby to see what is happening to cause this.

We have been surrounded by love and concern.  Our neighbors and friends are bringing food and taking good care of us.  I am a little concerned about Stephen deploying next week but am going to rely on God's grace and faithfulness to see us through.

Thank you for your prayers and words of encouragement.

English Assignment

Ok, as promised I will publish my short story for my English Assignment.

The guidelines were:
It had to be a complete story, 150 words or less and the main character's name had to be Shawn Bell.

                                                                  

                                               Legacy




The pain of loss was a familiar feeling for Shawn Bell. She had lost her parents, her husband, and a child. Shawn knew she didn’t have much longer to live. She was surrounded by her five living children, their spouses, and all 15 of her grandchildren. She felt at peace but hoped everyone would realize that she wanted them to move on quickly. Life was for the living.

Shawn was happy that she was about to be reunited with the love of her life and her baby girl. “Jesus, please comfort my family,” she prayed silently as they all started to sing. She felt herself start to smile as she took her last breath. She knew that just as God had held her when she went through the tragedies in her life, he was now holding her family in their time of sorrow.

“Blessed assurance, Jesus is mine….”



                                                                    The End

Critique AWAY!

Life Goes On

Well much has happened since my last post.  I had my follow-up appiontment from the D&C with my OBGYN.  She told me that they didn't get any conclusive results from the baby.  I thought that would happen and was surprisingly ok with not having the answer to my "Why".  In this instance I have learned that trust and faith are both very essential to sanity.  I simply trust that God's hand was on our family and have faith that His will is best.  My doctor also referred me to a Reproductive Endocrinologist.  He works outside of Denver in an infertility clinic so I will see him at the end of June and we will go from there. 

The latest big deal in our house is that now our baby:
Elijah Stephen Holt 5/14/08 8lbs 13oz

TURNED 4!!!

He is such a blessing to us and always makes us laugh.  I can't believe that my baby is 4 years old and that my oldest is going to Kindergarten in the fall.  I am now the mother of a "School-Aged" child?  How did that happen? 

Here is a picture of our latest Wyoming Adventure...Hiking in Nebraska (I know that isn't Wyoming but it's close ok?)

The boys are naturals...

Coming up...VACATION! Tune in soon.

He Weeps With Us

At 10 weeks I was able to hear my baby's heartbeat and finally able to rest easy with this pregnancy.  I was getting super excited to have a baby in the house again. I started dreaming about the baby and was filled with such an overwhelming sense of blessing to be having this baby.  After 2 miscarriages it was such a relief to hear that beautiful sound fill the room.  Then at 12 weeks I went in due to some weird sharp pains in my upper abdomen.  The doctor couldn't find the baby's heartbeat with the doppler.  She told me not to freak out, and I didn't.  I was more excited that I was going to get to see my baby.  I walked down the hallway to the ultrasound room and watched on the big screen in front of me as the video of my baby appeared.  It was a perfect baby.  I saw it's little hands and arms.  Its face was tucked down on its chest and it's legs were curled up into it's belly.  This looked like a perfect baby measuring 12weeks and 3 days, a few days bigger than we expected.  There was just one thing missing, the ever important blinking in the chest indicating the heartbeat.  I looked over at the sonographer and said "there's no heartbeat" and she said "no, I'm sorry".  I asked her if anything else looked abnormal and she said "no, everything looks perfect".  That was exactly what I was thinking, this baby looked perfect.  How could it not be here?  But there was a stillness that I can't forget.  It was so still, no blinking heartbeat, no moving just a peaceful, beautiful baby. 

I drove home with the doctor's words bouncing around in my head.  "It happened very recently, possibly in the last 24 hours; it wasn't your fault; we couldn't have prevented this; you can wait and do it naturally at home or let us take care of it at the hospital; it will feel like full term labor; it will be traumatizing; we can test the baby if you do it at the hospital and see what happened".  By the time I got home I was determined that nobody was going to take this baby from me.  I would let it happen naturally.  I came home and talked to my husband who thought this was not a good idea, my mom and sisters who also advised me to let them do it at the hospital.  I somehow imagined myself burying the baby under a rose bush but of course, when you don't live somewhere permanently, this is also hard to imagine.  Then my big sister who has gone through this before said, "the baby's soul is gone".  I finally realized that although I saw a perfect baby that morning that it was with Jesus, and nothing I could do would change that.  I let my husband set up the surgery with the doctor with the understanding that I would have another ultrasound the next morning before the procedure and we waited.  I sat in my car outside the hospital and prayed and asked God to carry me.  I knew I couldn't do this by myself.  It was too heartbreaking and I was too weak.  He came through in every way possible.

The thought of my baby, that perfect baby in my womb not being validated somehow is heartbreaking.  I had life inside of me, how could I just forget about that?  This was somehow different for me than the 2 babies I lost earlier in pregnancy.  Somehow the fact that it all happened naturally made it seem more acceptable.  But I know that God breathed life into that baby inside of me, and it continues to have life with Him in heaven.

The entire next day, looking at my baby again, then later, waiting for the anesthesia to kick in, I was being held.  I was only slightly nervous but my heart was at peace.  A peace that could not be explained.  I knew that Jesus already held my baby in His hands and this was just earthly stuff.  I was also held by all of you, my friends and family.  I can not begin to explain to you the amount of calls, e-mails, texts, and flowers that started pouring in.  I felt held by all of you both near and far.  My Air Force family came in right away and we haven't prepared a meal since this all started.  I was able to stay in my bed, and grieve.  My best friend who knows me all too well sent me a message that said "don't be strong, it's ok to grieve".  I took her advice and I have grieved.  Also, I have received so many messages from people who have gone through this before and have offered words of encouragement and support.  Those messages have meant the world to me as it helps to know somebody has walked through this before and knows how it feels. 

This has truly been an experience like no other.  I have asked why about a dozen times and I know that I may never have those answers.  The physical pain is a reminder of what didn't happen and that makes it all the more emotional for me.  The tears have dried and I started asking God what He was doing?  Should we stop trying to have another baby?  We want to adopt God, do you want us only to do that?  I can't go through this again, what ARE YOU DOING?!  I just wanted an answer.  And then, my brother-in-law sent me a suggestion to listen to a song.  "He Weeps" by Fireflight.  I know now, that He's weeping with us.  He has a plan and I will walk in that plan and trust my heart to Him because I know that He only wants what is best for us.

Thank you so much for your support through this entire struggle.  Our family is so blessed to have friends and family all over the globe who have stretched out their arms and prayers to us.  We feel held by all of you.

Baby #3

Last year was a pretty hard year for our family.  We found out that we were moving to Wyoming and started trying to sell our house and in the midst of this process Stephen had to go to Little Rock for some training for 4 months.  It was tough to try and keep a house show ready with 2 toddlers and no daddy at home to help referee, oh yea, and 2 dogs as well.  Also, the thought of moving a full day's drive away from our families was pretty hard as well.

Also, I had 2 miscarriages in 2011.  One on Mother's Day and one in October.  Thankfully we were visiting Stephen in Little Rock for the first one and I was so blessed to be surrounded by my entire family during the second one while we were on vacation in the Smoky Mountains.  If you are going to go through something traumatic I would say that doing it surrounded by family and the beauty of fall in the Smokies is the best case scenario. 

So, we found out we were pregnant about 6 weeks ago and while we were excited, I was very apprehensive.  It was hard for me to get excited because I didn't want to be disappointed again.  I kept telling myself to have faith and believe that this was a happy, healthy baby and everything was going to be fine but that was much harder said than done.  We went to have a sonogram at 6 weeks and saw the tiniest flutter of a heartbeat and it was such a blessing to see but of course I thought, "man, it is going to be even harder if I lose this baby having seen that". 

Today changed all of that for me.  I went in for my 10 week check-up and the doctor warned me that they can't always get the heartbeat at 10 weeks and it has to be in the perfect position.  I wondered if this was going to be another test of my faith but prayed that God would allow me the reassurance of hearing the evidence of life in my belly today.  Well, it took maybe 10 seconds for her to find it with the doppler and the most beautiful loud whooshing sound filled the room.  Tears filled my eyes and I immediately thanked God for His amazing creation.  The doctor even closed her eyes and lifted her face to the ceiling.  We were both relieved.  She had the biggest smile on her face as she told me that now the worrying could end and it seemed like we had a baby with a strong, fast heartbeat on the way.

I know so many women have gone through miscarriages and I am lucky to have had mine without needing intervention from doctors to help me along.  I am now full on excited about this baby.  I haven't looked at baby things or put much thought into a nursery and honestly, my personality does lend well to advanced planning.  I probably still won't look at very many baby things and the nursery will probably not happen for a few more months.  I want to know if we are having a boy or a girl before I jump the gun on that stuff but I will say that I am excited and even more than that, I am grateful for our 3rd baby to come.  Boy or Girl we will celebrate the life God has chosen us to parent and rejoice in His perfect will for our lives.

The Owl Incident

Last night my sweet husband informed me that it was my turn to walk the dog.  This has never been an issue until we moved to Wyoming but since winter hit in late September we have been having this battle pretty much regularly.  I put on my snow boots, his government issue super warm gloves, and my coat that has fur around the collar and head making me resemble an Alaskan native but keeping me very warm nonetheless.  I got Jolene and walked outside waiting for the frigid wind to hit me in the face and make me wish I would have put long johns on under my pajama pants but to my surprise last night, there was NO WIND!  This is huge in Wyoming.  It was "feels like 25" degree weather according to the weather channel but with no wind, I was not even cold, well except for a tiny bit on my nose.  I was even able to take my hood off my head and let the fur hang down my back. 

As Jolene and I walked down the street I heard Owls talking to each other all over the base.  Some of them were right above me and as they were calling out over my head I would stop and try very hard to see them in the trees....no such luck.  I walked Jolene for longer than usual since it was nice out and the Owls were providing pretty good entertainment but she decided it was time to go home.  Jolene is older and when she's ready for home, she pulls your arm off trying to get there. 

I never take the back ally behind my house to walk her home at night because there are badgers back there and they come out at night.  I have personally seen them twice and our neighbor's dog got in scuffle with one late one night.  Badgers are nothing to mess with and frankly, they scare me. If only I would have known that a badger should be the least of my worries. 

I turned down the back ally already a little freaked out that we were back there but trying to get my dog home as quickly as possible so she wouldn't choke herself on her leash.  All of the sudden I heard the hooting of an owl right over my head.  I stopped to listen and there it was again but there were no trees where I was.  I looked up and decided that this particular owl must have a nest or be perched in the top of the chimney of the house I was standing behind.  I stood there very still as did Jolene (she must have seen a badger or something) and peered up at the chimney hoping to catch a glimpse of something to prove to me where this owl was.  Well did I mention that I had a big furry hood hanging down my back? 

This owl must have thought that on my back was some sort of rodent because as I stood there perfectly still trying my hardest to see something, a massive owl swooped down off the chimney right towards my head.  All I could think of was that he was about to get in my coat and I would just die of a heart attack right then and there.  The thing swooped down so fast that I heard his wings flap.  Well, what did I do?  What any raving lunatic would, I started screaming and waving my arms while jumping and running all at the same time.  Oh yea, it was a beautiful moment.

I saw a light pop on close to me and got out of there as quickly as possible.  How could I explain this one to the neighbors?  They've probably already seen my kids urinate outside, I didn't want to add raving lunatic to their checklist of why we are "those neighbors".

Wyoming truly is the Wild west!  Also, have no worries, when I walked Jolene this morning, there were no owls but PLENTY of wind!

That which does not kill us....

So I turned the big 3-0 just over a month ago.  I usually become very sentimental and nostalgic on my birthday partly because it is another year gone but partly because it is also very close to Christmas.  Well, this year, I was afraid of what I would feel on my birthday.  Here I was 30 years old, and while I have accomplished a lot of what I wanted out of life; marriage, family, travel etc....I had one thing looming over my head.  I always thought that by 30 unless I was pregnant I would be FIT.  Guess what?  That didn't exactly happen.  So as this birthday approached I kept hoping that I could put the brakes on time and somehow make the days last a little longer.  If you are a mother of toddlers, you know that to wish for LONGER days is pretty serious.  Well, my birthday came, and went.  I had a great time celebrating in my Mississippi home with lots of friends and family and I felt.....nothing.  NOT A SINGLE THING!  I didn't feel sad or nostalgic or anything really.  I was happy to be in the moment with my friends and family and moved right past that day as if nothing big had really happened.  Part of this was because our life was pretty crazy at the time with a deployed spouse, being away from home for a month, and an ailing grandmother.  I think a lot of my feelings just didn't surface because I didn't have time to think of myself.  This was a good thing.

Now it is almost the end of January and somewhere around 2 weeks ago I GOT IT!! No, not the self loathing or sad feelings of times gone by but the DETERMINATION!  I am now DETERMINED to get healthy and fit.  My 30th birthday brought me a discipline that I have never before had.  My dear sweet mother tried to forcefully teach me to be disciplined  for 23 years.  TWENTY-THREE years that woman tried and tried and tried to teach me to be more disciplined.  It just never caught on.  I am NO good with sticking with things.  I have a very short attention span and if it isn't "fun" frankly, I lack motivation to follow through.  Well, dear mother, please know that all of your hard work has finally clicked somewhere in my brain.  I am literally MEASURING everything that goes in my body.  Can you believe this?  Crazy!  I also go to the gym or do some sort of workout at least 4-5 times a week, with a goal of 6 times a week but I haven't gotten that far yet.

 I have seen why all of those "fat people" shows say that "you need to take time for yourself to be a better mom".  I have always thought that was hogwash, I've heard myself say those things to people and think in the back of my head, "yea whatever".  However, I have now realized with my new adventures in exercising that it does take time away from your family or just time that you normally would have to run errands, clean your house, or take a shower UNINTERRUPTED! If I work out from home I do it at naptime or if I go to the gym in the morning I have to take my kids to the grocery store after I pick them up from pre-school. If I want to do a work-out class at the gym, I have to plan ahead, have dinner ready and then head out where I'm gone for over an hour.  This happens usually around dinner time.  So yes, this is a sacrifice for me and for my dear, sweet, husband who is so encouraging.  I said that to say that it is TRUE!  You DO have to take time for yourself to be a better mom.  I have so much more energy for my kids now.  I play with them more, build tents for them and my irritation is further from the surface than normal.  Also, I've realized that my kids honestly don't think it's a big deal for me to be away from them for an extra hour and a half a day.  They really couldn't care less. 

To all you moms out there....just DO IT!  Also, please keep me accountable as I tend to quit things easily, as mentioned earlier!

Deployments

As a military wife deployments are very much a part of my life.  Having said that I haven't had to experience one in almost 4 years now and the fact that one is looming around the corner has me a little bit nervous.  I heard myself once say to a group of women, "I don't mind deployments, I almost enjoy them" and as it often does, the conversation moved on before I could explain myself.  Obviously no woman in her right mind would "enjoy" being left behind by her best friend and partner in life.  I often say these weird statements because I hate being the naysayer.  I don't like negativity.  I want to think everything's always coming up roses so to speak.  What I meant by that crazy statement is simply this:

Deployments are a very large part of our lifestyle and I do not spend my days or weeks or months worrying about the next one that is coming up.  I don't look forward to them but, on the other hand, I've accepted them as normal life and deal with them accordingly.  What good would it do me or my family to stress and complain about something that has to be done? When I said "I almost enjoy them" the ALMOST is a huge factor in that statement.  When I have my big girl panties (Sorry mom, I know I shouldn't use "panties" in a blog that could be read by "mixed company" haha, had to throw that in there) on and my rose colored glasses are perched perfectly on my nose, I see the positive aspects of a deployment.  I know that some of you fellow military wives are probably thinking, WHAT?! IS SHE NUTS?!  but this is honestly how my mind works.  Let's look at the positive aspects of my husband going to a foreign country where people want to kill him, those are as follows: We write letters, the handwritten kind,  when he deploys and it reminds me of when we were dating and first got married.  We learned a lot about each other in those letters and there is something magical about waiting everyday for the mail lady to bring you a small envelope with the love of your life's handwriting on it.  Also, the few days before he comes home I am a ball of nerves and expectancy...I can NOT WAIT to see him...it is truly an amazing experience to see your husband step off of a plane after 4 months of seperation and the PRIDE that comes along with the fact that he is awesome at his job and does it with character and integrity, without complaint, and because he feels passionately about serving this great Nation.  Also, there is a plethora of wives, some who I call friends who have said goodbye to their loved ones for a lot longer than 4 months, I can not complain about 4 months without my husband when friends of mine are surviving everyday knowing that that special someone will not come home.  And while I do worry sometimes about those things I try not to, "Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.  Each day has enough trouble of its own." Matthew 6:34 and Matthew 10:28-31,  28 Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather, be afraid of the One who can destroy both soul and body in hell. 29 Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground outside your Father’s care. 30 And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. 31 So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.


I don't look forward to deployments and am nervous about the kids wanting their daddy and not understanding how awesome it is that he is the kind of guy that is willing to walk away from everything he holds dearest and do a job that not many want to do. I am nervous that I will cry in front them when he leaves, I DO NOT CRY IN PUBLIC!  It is ugly, I am no pretty crier, I can assure you.  The only place I can feel the least bit comfortable crying around strangers is in a dark movie theater.  Church services have caused me to spring a leak from the eyeballs a few times and I do not like it.  However, I look forward to the letters, the longing that often goes away in a day to day routine of marriage and have faith that God is in control of our lives and we will be ok, whatever the circumstances.

Andrew Carter

Dear baby Drew,


     You were just born yesterday.  I can't believe that I haven't gotten to see your beautiful face yet or hold you in my arms.  I live pretty far from you now, 21 hours away.  To you that is about 10 meals and 8 naps.  I wanted to write you this note to tell you how precious and special you are to me and all of us, the crazy people laughing and poking at you, they love you too!  You see, your mommy is one of my very best friends in the entire world.  She is also my sister and when I was as big as you are, she held me, just like your big sister Olivia holds you.  It is so hard for me to see pictures of you and watch videos of your perfect face and not get to hold you, just like your mommy held me, and my two boys when they were born.  


     I don't know if anybody has let you in on this secret but you were a great big surprise for all of us.  We knew that God must be creating a pretty special somebody and he wanted us to be surprised because God knows how awesome surprises are.  You are the best surprise anybody could ever receive.  We are all so happy to have you and in just 6 weeks I will tell you all of this again when I finally get to see you.  Don't forget though, that Bebbi loves you and even though I haven't officially met you, I miss you so much!


     Your cousins Parker and Elijah, and your Uncle Stephen send you lots of love and hugs too!

It's Fall Ya'll!

Oh, how I adore this time of year. In Wyoming it is no surprise that Fall comes a lot earlier than in Mississippi. I can't say that I hate it. We wake up to crisp 60 degree mornings and bright sunshine. I love every minute of it. I've already made one too many trips to hobby lobby looking at all the pumpkins and fall decorations. I made chili for dinner last night and threw in some veggies I got from the Farmer's Market yesterday, yep it is a good time of year!

I find myself dreaming of pumpkin pie and searching for apple orchards. I've even looked up fall festivals for our area. Needless to say, I'm excited! Pretty soon I will be dragging my kids to every pumpkin patch within a 60 mile radius! They love it but of course, it's all for me. The pictures you capture, the great outdoor fun without the sweat; what is not to like? This is one of those things that just get sweeter when you have children. I never sought out pumpkin patches and apple orchards when I was single. The kids have opened up a whole new world of wonder for me in the world of Fall festivities and I love every moment of it.

My family takes a vacation to the Smoky Mountains every year and it is the highlight of our lives at this point. We talk about it all year long, we dream about it, my mom sends us pictures of the house we are staying in; let's just say it is a big deal in our family and we look forward to it all summer. I have to say that this year, I feel like i'm cheating a little bit. We live very close to some pretty awesome mountains, although I still prefer the Smokies and the weather right now in Wyoming is very much like the weather we enjoy while on vacation! So, to all my Mississippi family and friends, eat your heart out! Just kidding! Come visit, is what I meant to say!

Until next time,

Debbi/Leigh

Westerners!

Well, we have been living in Wyoming for 6 weeks now. The time has literally flown by! It has been so awesome to see what our surrounding areas have to offer. We have had a blast! Parker is enrolled in preschool with Eli on the waiting list. They start next Monday. I am enrolled in college taking just two classes but hoping it will be fun! Our life has officially begun in the west.

We haven't totally conformed to the western way of life. The boys did get some cowboy hats (the real kind not the walmart kind that they've had in the past). We have ridden some horses so I guess we are well on our way to becoming cowboys/cowgirl! HA!

It is absolutely beautiful here with nice weather and beautiful scenery. There are tiny little bunnies and antelope in my yard almost daily and kiddos from next door also who play with my kiddos allowing for dinner to get done in record time!
There are places that look like this only a short drive away:

We can't complain, well until winter!

Moving Day!

Well the day has finally arrived. The packers are here as I type. They will be moving our stuff on Monday but my dear friend is coming to oversee that part of the move and we will be heading west in the morning!

We have had LOTS of set backs and hard times over the last few months and STILL haven't rented or sold our house nor do we have a place to live in Wyoming. We are heading off in the faith that God is in control and He will take care of our every need. I am excited, scared, nervous, anxious, and overwhelmed right now.

I have to tell my family goodbye tonight and I am NOT looking forward to that even though I know I will see them in 3 short months. My mom and nephew are making the long trek out with us and I am so excited about our adventures with them but this Daddy's girl is NOT looking forward to telling her Daddy goodbye. Also, my sweet niece and nephews (the ones who are staying behind) are going to change so rapidly and I miss getting to be a part of all of their milestones. My boys' best friends are their cousins so this is going to be a huge adjustment for all of us.

I am very excited about what God has planned for our little family though and thank you all so much for all the prayers and support. I can't wait to update you on what it is like in the Wild West and educate all my southern friends and family on life in the arctic! :-)

My Baby is 3!

Well it happened a few weeks ago but we are busy getting ready to move and trying to offload this house to anyone who is willing to buy/rent/lease basically just pay the mortgage! But yes, in the middle of the chaos, Elijah turned 3 years old. I cry just thinking that my baby is 3 years old. He is such a joy and always adds entertainment to anything he is a part of. He lights up my life and fills my heart every single day with pride and laughter.

Elijah in pictures


All of that dark hair! I just couldn't believe it!

Then 1 year later, he's as blonde as can be!

His second birthday begins his love of Cowboy stuff.

And blossoms into ANYTHING pretend including "SCUBA GEAR"

Now he is 3 and Iron Man, goodness they grow up too fast.

End of this Chapter

So, my husband's "Fini Flight" is tomorrow. To the non-flying/non-military people, this means he will be flying his Final Flight with the squadron he is in. It means ultimately that we are really leaving. The kids and I are hanging around for a few more months while he does some training in Arkansas so I keep telling myself that this isn't goodbye for me yet. However, tomorrow will just be a glaring reminder that we are really done with this chapter in our lives. We have met some incredible people here and being close to my family has been such a tremendous blessing. My baby was born here and all of the big steps for a toddler happened here for Parker. I have tears in my eyes right now just thinking of all the memories made with all of the wonderful people we have come to know in MS. Ugh! I can't believe it has been 3 1/2 years already!

My heart is heavy because I know that this is going to be hard for our family. We are a close knit bunch. I once told my husband that "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" reminded me of my family if only you replace the Greek part with Southern. We are just as close with his family but maybe a little more used to not seeing them as often. Being so close to my family has spoiled us for sure. I pray that the distance won't be too great for the heart. That skype and facebook will help to make the 20 hrs seem not so far. And that my children will realize how very blessed they are to have the family that God has placed them in.

I am excited for the adventures that are ahead of us, but very anxious/sad for the distance we are putting between us and the people we love the most.

These are my thoughts today, I hope it wasn't too much of a bummer for everyone to read.

Debbi aka Leigh

4 Years Already

If I tried to blog about how wonderful Parker has made these last 4 years for me, I think i'd just sit at this computer and cry for a good hour. I don't have time for that today as I am furiously cleaning and cooking for his birthday party tomorrow so I decided to give you Parker's 4 years in pictures.

2 Weeks old in Sanford, NC

4 Months Old San Antonio, TX

13 months old Richland, MS

2 years old, Columbus, MS




3 years old at Dee's House, Richland, MS

4 years old, Columbus, MS

6 years!

I was raised by two terrific parents who always tried to teach my two sisters and I what it meant to have a healthy marriage. My mom always praised my dad to us. I'm sure there were days when she was sick of him, because I am married and I know these days exist. I never knew this about them though. He is my hero in life because he was hers as well. On that same token, my dad was always the number one defender of my mom. "Don't raise your voice to my wife", I heard that phrase more times than I'd like to admit. They made it work. They went through terrible times together. Times of incredible stress and heartache came to their doorstep and they walked through them together.

When you live with parent's like this it is easy to want to be in love and have that kind of relationship with someone. Just ask my big sister!! She's been "in love" more times than I can count!!! (Terri, I love you don't yell at me) We all wanted that something special that my parents had. All three of us tried to make that fit with people who weren't right for us. The power of a praying parent is demonstrated in our lives with our spouses. We ended up with "the one". All three of us did. If you knew the "Brown Girls" you would know how much of a miracle this really is.

When I met Stephen, I saw so much of my dad in him and I knew that if I let myself, I would fall head over heels for this guy. I tried not too. I tried to "play the game" and act uninterested. I felt like a was a master at this. Yea, right, I was a complete failure. I did fall head over heels for him and quickly too. Of course, I couldn't let him know that because I am a demented female and we never say what we mean or feel. Stephen, always the logical one, laid it out for me. "I like you a lot, but this is my life". Sounds romantic doesn't it? Well, it was to me. He wanted me to know that he wanted me to be a part of his life but that it wasn't going to be easy. He was going to deploy and his job has to come first. That sounds like such a negative thing but aren't we all glad that there are people out there willing to let their job come first so we can live safely in our country? What Stephen didn't know was that this made me love him all the more. My father's job came first alot too. I mean his 9-5 job he was diligent with and did well with but I'm talking about as a pastor of a church. He took his calling to be a Shepherd of men very seriously and still does. He did this all the while never making the girls in his life feel left out or taken for granted.

My dad let me know that I was worth it! Having someone who cherished me wasn't just a bonus, it was a must. That is something I think is so important for a father to teach his daughter. He told me this of course but more than anything he cherished my mom. I knew what it looked like for a woman to be cherished by her husband. I saw it everyday.

Six years ago I married the perfect person for me. I love our life and our little family. I love his passion, integrity, and diligence, all those things I love and admire about my dad. I love that we move every 3 years as I am a "free-spirit" at heart and this fulfills my needs to explore things and learn about different kinds of people. I am so blessed to be a part of two outstanding families. Stephen's family are a group of extraordinary people. They are all very individual and different from my family but very loving and welcoming all the same. I am forever grateful to our parents for teaching us how to grind our heels in and have long marriages and raise happy, healthy children. I hope our children look back on their families with the same pride as we do. I pray that they find a spouse who adores them the way I do their daddy.

~Leigh, aka Debbi~
"You prepare a table for me in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil; MY CUP OVERFLOWS"
Psalm 23:5